The Junior Varsity Chargers beat the Colts

Peyton Manning had a week to rest and prepare, and even to film 14 new commercials and speak at 36 corporate events. The Colts were at home and Marvin Harrison was back — meaning talent, experience and logic were in their favor. LaDainian Tomlinson even left the game with an injury in the first half, and Phillip Rivers in the second, leaving the Chargers seemingly hopeless. Then out trotted Billy Volek, a legendarily terrible quarterback who had thrown only three completed passes the entire season.

The defending NFL champions took the field in the final quarter against the Junior Varsity Chargers, and yet still, somehow, everything went terribly wrong.

The formula for implosion was quite simple: The Colts could not hold on to the ball; it seemed to have been greased by Shawn Merriman’s steroid cream at some point in the second quarter. Two tipped passes led to red zone interceptions, resulting in lost field goal attempts — if not touchdowns. It seemed impossible after Manning’s last meeting with the Chargers that the bolts would strike twice; that the horses could collapse without resistance at the hands of a mediocre team yet again.

It is heartbreakingly rare for a quarterback to throw for 400 yards and three touchdowns in a playoff game and still find a way to lose, but despite statistical dominance, the Colts could not make plays when it mattered. After the fourth lead change in the second half, an elderly Billy Volek nervously looked on, knowing that he — who had thrown almost as many complete passes to opposing defensive backs as his own receivers this season — had to lead the Chargers past the league’s best defense … without Tomlinson. And with the help of a blitzkrieg of yellow flags and blown pass coverage, he gave San Diego its final lead.

In the last five minutes, Manning had two chances to drive the Colts straight through the end zone and into Foxboro. Instead, he sprinkled a January flurry of dropped or overthrown passes all about the field, until at last a final dying quail fell dejectedly through the outstretched arms of Dallas Clark, and the clock ran the Colts into the off-season.

In the first quarter it appeared the Colts might run away with it. Already leading 7-0, Manning found a slashing Marvin Harrison in the red zone, and the all-time great tandem connected for the first time in months. Then as the RCA Dome erupted, with fans salivating at the prospect of a blowout, No. 88 juked left, spun poetically past his defender and — in the same beautifully disastrous motion — let the ball go from his outstretched arms and into the sprawling abyss of an obscure Charger’s greedy meat-hooks.

The turnover allowed San Diego to survive the proverbial dagger, and for the remaining three quarters the two offensive juggernauts exchanged touchdowns, turnovers and injuries. But dropped passes and pointless penalties by the Colts gave the Californians just enough of an edge to win the shoot-out by a single score, and make the last ever Colts game at the Dome wholly forgettable.

At best, the final fully-enclosed season in Indianapolis was excitingly unpredictable, as the horses overcame a plague of injuries (maybe cholera in the Colts locker room?) and an ambitious corps of unknowns kept Indy at the top of the NFL. Perhaps we can rest a little easier knowing the Patriots didn’t end our season.