The Mind of Theodore, Part 3

I prepared a crema-laden double espresso and sat in my easy chair. I opened Theodore’s notebook. The first thing I noticed was the profusion of juvenile drawings — monster trucks, swastikas, vaginas, that sort of thing. I moved on to the text. I shall relate a few snippets:

This is the story of my struggle ...

I was born Teddy Bland in Trevlac, Indiana. After my Nazi friend Buford educated me about my Aryan roots, I legally changed my name to Theodore von Trevlac.

We shall sow paranoia, and reap total kontrolle. —K.R.

All hail the wisdom of the PNAC! Anyone who questions the PNAC should be SHOT!

The glory of our 9/11 Reichstagfeuer shall never be forgotten!

I still cannot achieve an erection in relations with a female.

All hail the Wise Father George W. Bush!

Today I became aware of the existence of that leftist cat-radical Rocky. A black day! I shall annihilate him! And his fag friend Ikey too!

What’s all this hubbub about torture? If you are innocent you wouldn’t be getting tortured in the first place.

I have strange feelings for Bill O’Reilly. When I see him on tv my heart flutters.

I am going to paint my Ford Festiva camouflage.

Thank God for “terrorists,” hahahahahahaha.

Through trickery and deceit we shall seize all three branches of the federal government, then the state governments. What we cannot change through law we shall change through policy and procedure. —K.R.

What’s all this hubbub about “illegal” spying? If you are innocent you wouldn’t be getting spied on in the first place.

Today I joined the Minutemen. Anybody who gives an illegal a job is aiding and abetting a criminal!!!!

Dick Cheney is a masculine hero to be emulated by the young boys of Amerika!

Upon reading this last sentence I spat out my espresso and laughed heartily. Theodore von Trevlac! What an idiot! I read on ...

Next week: The Mind of Theodore, Part 4