The Pussycat Dolls will perform at the Radio Now Santa Slam Wednesday, Dec. 14 at Pepsi Coliseum.

With the pending holidays come a variety of festive certainties: the baking of anatomically correct gingerbread men, terribly awkward mistletoe mishaps, eggnog bongs (which are directly related to the mistletoe mishaps, by the way) and Radio Now’s annual Santa Slam extravaganza.

Hopefully, Santa Slam, now on its fifth year, has found its way into your holiday routine. Nothing screams Christmas spirit like importing a bizarre array of multigenre, tour-bus-dwelling, entourage-toting musicians directly into the Pepsi Coliseum. There’s a little somethin’ somethin’ in the Santa Slam stocking for everyone.

The Pussycat Dolls are six girls strong, operating on sturdy, if lithe, vocal organs and thinly veiled by the legal bare minimum in clothing requirements. They will bring the house down, and they will do it while writhing around and wearing next to nothing. You’re welcome, fellas!

Howie Day is a show unto himself, on and off the stage. He could rival John Mayer with his guitar pickin’ skills, one-up Tyler Hilton on the deep, yet delicate and revealing metaphorical odes to sensitivity, and if Ryan Cabrera chose to engage in a war of the spiky over-styled locks with him, Howie would have it, hands down. He’s also half-cocked, in an amusing sort of way. It’s difficult to decide whether he’s extraordinarily brilliant, psychoneurotic, mischievous or an uneven mix of the three.

The Circle City has important stock in The Click Five, since two of them (Eric Dill, lead vocals, and Joey Zehr, drums) are our own. Together, the sharp suit-clad quintet is paving the way for an entirely new brand of “power pop.” Think top 40 with less cheese, ’80s with more originality and the collective spirit of a pseudo boy band, sans the choreographed dancing and — collective gasp! — the ability to play their own instruments. The preferred method of short-distance travel with these college friends is a slip and slide, and despite the fact that their very reasonable rider does not call for such a toy, one will be provided. Backstage is fast shaping up to be anything but uneventful.

Seventeen-year-old Barbados-born Rihanna, who appears to be single-handedly helming the female reggae movement, will be taking time out of her busy Gwen Stefani and 50 Cent touring and Bring It On Yet Again filming schedules so that she can put in an appearance. It was a bit of a personal favor for me.

(OK, it wasn’t. I’ve just always wanted to say that. Now that I have, we can move on.)

The Santa Slam stocking isn’t empty yet! For pretty-girl rock lovers, there are The Veronicas — Australian pixie twins with oversized pipes and an Archie comics character fetish. If your musical pallet caters to Southern pop, then the farm-grown, city-influenced Hope Partlow should satiate your appetite. And last, but certainly not least, Nikki Flores brings her sweet ’n’ sassy, Latin-imbued pop to the table.

Santa Slam 2005 is the anything-goes, everything for everyone, untraditional holiday tradition. Brace yourself, Indy. Our gift to you unwraps itself at the Pepsi Coliseum on Dec. 14.