“The Machiavelli Gospel has been the guide to our church for decades,” the Rev. Janus D. Seption said. “It shows us how to put the teachings of Jesus into practice.”

The Gospel According to Machiavelli contains some of the following passages:

“And lo, the multitude were offended when same-sex marriage was discussed and viewpoints contrary to their own were mentioned. And the religious leaders said, ‘Let us steal the material and burn it in a bonfire.’ And it was done, and they prayed for deliverance from the persecution of liberals.” Machiavelli 20:15

“And Jesus of Nazareth said, ‘But I say to you who hear: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you.’ And the religious leaders came together and said, ‘The greatest lie is that which is cloaked in truth. Come, let us distort what he said.’ Then they spoke unto the multitude, ‘We shall hate those who disagree with us, slander those who curse us, and pray for the deaths of our — we mean, God’s — enemies. Be judgmental, as God is judgmental.’” Machiavelli 6:27-35

“And Luke reported that Jesus had said, ‘Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye.’ And the religious leaders said, ‘This is a most problematic teaching.’” Machiavelli 6:41-42

Reaction to the announcement was mixed. The Quakers, the Mennonites and the Brethren refused to recognize the new book. Secular Humanists complained that the addition of Machiavelli squelched complaints that the Religious Right were hypocrites. God did not answer letters seeking comment.