[this is satire]

With his June 26, 2004, statement in the Washington Post that his comment to Sen. Leahy, “F__k yourself,” was “long overdue,” U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney has become the most revered and emulated diplomat on the planet. Within hours of the printed report, multi-language “F__k Yourself” hand-held translators appeared in the United Nations headquarters’ gift shop, and just as quickly flew off the shelves, as diplomats from around the world scurried to practice the new global greeting in all of earth’s 6,000-plus linguistic forms. At Buckingham Palace, the Royal Family reportedly held a “F__k Yourself” state banquet with her majesty and Prince Philip greeting their guests with the new verbal decorum. Meanwhile, at the Vatican, a spokesman for Pope John Paul II was overwhelmed by reporters following rumors that the pope had been rehearsing the new greeting for inclusion in his weekly Sunday address. When cornered, the smiling spokesman admitted, “Yes, yes, yes! His Holiness has indeed been rehearsing. And I will tell you a most glorious secret that you have not yet heard ... His Holiness has decided to not only speak the new diplomatic greeting, but will also bless the deaf by showing the greeting from the balcony in sign language!”

[this is satire]

By now everyone has heard about Vice President Dick Cheney telling Sen. Patrick Leahy, “Go fuck yourself.” What a great moment in American history. Michael Moore’s latest film, Fahrenheit 9/11, provides the perfect opportunity to commemorate Cheney’s historic remark. I saw the movie last Friday, on the first day it opened here in Indy. This was also the day that Cheney’s comment was reported. Toward the end of the film, Moore includes part of a speech delivered by the vice president. Unlike his goofy, gaffe-prone “boss,” Cheney is articulate, focused and formidable. I sat in the very back row of the sold-out theater. The audience was dead silent. About 10 seconds into Cheney’s speech, I cupped my hands around my mouth and shouted, “Go fuck yourself!” People chuckled and a few applauded. Wouldn’t it be great if, starting right here in Indiana, movie-goers across the country started yelling, “Go fuck yourself!” when Cheney appears on the big screen? It’d be like the audience participation in The Rocky Horror Picture Show, only all directed toward just one character. I don’t think Michael Moore would mind a bit.