WARNING: Christopher Titus, a relic from television’s recent past, has wandered away from the Teletoobey Halfway House and Wax Museum of Script Writers, Professional Actors and Other Historical Anomalies and is at large. Titus is considered capable of independent thought and is liable to burst into spontaneous comedic monologue at any moment. Favorite topics include hot rods and a dysfunctional family history. He should be approached with caution.

Distinguishing features include spiky blonde hair, swagger, smirk and sarcastic wit. Some reports suggest Titus may be hiding a gentle side behind the gruff exterior. This is unconfirmed and widely doubted.

Previously, Titus has been the perp behind the one-man show Norman Rockwell is Bleeding and the FOX sitcom (n: situation comedy, scripted programming; show and genre defunct) Titus.

It is rumored Titus will be appearing at Crackers in Broad Ripple June 18 and 19. Pat Dixon and Dan Stauffer will be aiding and abetting. No one admitted will be assumed innocent. Tickets are $20 and $25. Call 255-4211 for reservations or more information.