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it
by David G. Howard Aug 28, 2002

beat the freewill

Ha. There it is. A topic of hot debate and discussion. Indiana Week in Review recently discussed it. The local news casts featured it. Crimany, it was even on CNN. IU is the No. 1 party school in the nation! WUUU WOOOO! I did not attend IU. Having graduated from an unnamed crappy high school in a state north of here, I chose to attend the University of Michigan. U of M discouraged parties by keeping our dorm rooms at 40 degrees, and feeding us slivers of unanodized aluminum for breakfast. Though the U of M administration tried to beat the freewill out of us, we still found the time to ignore their efforts and cause havoc on weekends. And, if in some twisted reverse universe, U of M had been voted the No. 1 party school, we would have been proud. "IU is a serious academic institution, and we take this study with grave constitutional aggravation," or some senseless meandering by various stern looking people. I obtained the following stats from the study, and this actually shows the numbers to be very close. Over-turned cars IU 2/5000 students Clemson 2/6000 students Wisconsin 2/4500 students Keggers/weekend IU 20 Clemson 17 Wisconsin 21 Puke volume/weekend IU 40 gallons Clemson 43 gallons Wisconsin 38 gallons With the running this close, something had to put IU over the top. My guess is that the people who did the study probably visited IU, went to a party and got laid. There are more than a few IU grads who heard this and said into the TV camera, "I studied when I went to school. I"m not sending my kids to college so they can party all the time. No sir." Well, no you"re not, and you shouldn"t. But it"s going to happen when kids leave the home. Obviously, no one wants their offspring binge drinking and doing drugs. All kidding aside, these are serious problems. But, then again, one has to wonder. How many of these same people, espousing temperance, quietly went up to their attic and pulled the old bong from deep in the box of memorabilia. With a feeling of youth gone by, they then took a little whiff of the bowl and said, "Oh ya, finally No. 1. It"s about time."

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