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Crash raises questions
by Editors May 21, 2003
Staff Report A Southside collision last weekend left two men injured and many theological questions unanswered. Fred Frumpley, 53, of Southport, and Kenny Kraft, 35, of Mars Hill, are both in stable condition at a local hospital after the spectacular crash, which has ignited a firestorm of speculation, as both cars were sporting “God Is My Co-Pilot” front license plates. “I mean, WTF?!?!?!?” asked Broad Ripple poseur Hans von Finkhausen. “How can, like, God be, like, the co-pilot of, like, two cars that, like, crashed together? The chances of that, like, happening have to be a million to, like, one.” Annoying Indiana University dormitory know-it-all Sam Wall stated, “This proves the non-existence of God. Case closed.” His roommate, Albert Jones, was not so sure, opining that “it could have been the angry Old Testament God who was co-piloting the cars.” Area fundamentalists have been shaken up by the incident, which they feel may be a sign of the apocalypse. “What is quite eerie is that both cars were Mazda 323s. Three and two divided, multiplied, subtracted and so on, always ends up being 666, no matter how you cut it,” said local preacher Ralph Wimsley. The Ashcroft Justice Department is investigating the accident, which it theorizes could be the work of a terrorist-related counterfeit license plate shop.
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