Local old guy publishes manual
A local old guy has recently published a manual through VanityHouse, a self-publishing company located in Shelbyvilletonville. The local old guy’s name is Dale E. Deckardton and his book is called Friending in Person.
Deckardton, easily reached at home because he has nothing better to do, said that the inspiration for his book (yes, he calls it a book even though it’s a manual) was that “more and more it seems to me people are just hanging out together on the Web, living a virtual life. I thought it would be helpful if people, you know, knew what to do if they actually ran into someone.”
His manual is separated into chapters — the way they used to do it in the old days. Sample titles of said chapters include “Friending at the Mall,” “Handshake Suggestions,” “How to Fill the Awkward Silences” and “What’s that Smell? It’s Called Body Odor.”
As if anyone might use this manual, it’s chockfull of helpful hints on how to approach a stranger so they don’t, like, think you’re a sexual predator or something.
Deckardton claims he hasn’t left his house for over a year “because every time I go out there’s nobody there.” This pitiful fact gave him all sorts of time to go ahead and write this manual that no one will ever use. Just like no one will read this story.
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