There is no ‘daylight savings’

An hour of your life has been stolen

Steve Hammer

For the first time in decades, Hoosiers moved their clocks one hour ahead last weekend in observance of daylight-saving time.

After just a few days, it’s become apparent that DST is a failure and must be reversed. Not only is it contrary to nature, it’s contrary to common sense.
There has to be a reason why the Republicans fought so long and so hard to get daylight savings adopted. The people of the state didn’t want it; in fact, they mobilized in opposition to it.

Folks, when a Republican really, really wants to do something, rest assured that it’s going to involve his taking something from you. Republicans exist to take away freedoms, sell off government assets to private companies and to reduce or eliminate personal choice.

If Mitch Daniels can steal away an hour of my life, as he did last Saturday, what is he going to come for next? I don’t have much but I’m sure he covets all of it. I fear that at any moment his jackbooted thugs will kick down my door and take my PlayStation 2 and my Crown Royal.

His henchmen will pore through my CD collection and drink all my beer; they’ll steal my Ron Artest jersey and my cats.

If government can tell you that 2 a.m. is actually 3 a.m., then they can succeed in various other lies. “Mission accomplished.” “Weapons of mass destruction.” If they can literally change the hands of time, they can do anything.

Think about this. In the past, the Republicans have succeeded in taking away many things from people, but this is the first time that they’ve succeeded in shortening your life by one hour.

That’s right. Mitch Daniels has changed the nature of time and confiscated an hour out of your life. If you were to die between now and the fall, you will have lived one less hour than you would have without DST.

What does Daniels want with the millions of hours he stole from us last Sunday morning? Does he need them to bring the spirits of Joe McCarthy and Richard Nixon back to life? Is it some kind of Masonic ritual? Are the hours accumulated in some kind of receptacle?

The sad thing is that no one will know what will happen to those hours. I woke up at 11 a.m. Sunday, but thanks to our interventionist governor, it was actually noon.

That means instead of coming to work at 9 a.m. on Monday, I actually was there at 8. And, from what I understand, this thievery of one hour will continue until the autumn, when in some act of mercy, the hour is “given back” to us.

That’s what Daniels wants to believe. Once government takes something from you, it never gives it back. That extra hour of sleep is gone forever. That’s an hour of your life you could have spent with your loved ones. That’s an hour you could have spent productively.

But Mitch Daniels took it away from you.

Look at what happens when Republicans tamper with nature. In 2000, the state of Florida cheated to give George Bush the election. Subsequently, the state was pummeled by hurricanes.

In 2006, Indiana acted against nature and adopted DST. That very night, tornadoes struck the state, causing extensive damage and distress. Friends, Mother Nature is keeping a detailed account of things — and she doesn’t vote Republican.

Really, though, what purpose is achieved by DST? The proposal was rammed through the state Legislature for no good reason. The only justification DST advocates had was that it would “put us in line with the rest of the country.”

In my mind, that’s the best argument against DST. Everything that is interesting about this state has been gradually taken away and replaced with something less interesting and more bland.

The Indy Star used to suck, but at least we knew the people who ran it. It was absorbed by a giant corporation, which sucked all the life out of the paper. It has become several shades lighter than Wonder Bread. It is staffed by nomadic workers who neither know nor care about the history of Indiana. They’re there so they can move up to a bigger market as quickly as possible.

Why are we in such a rush to become as bland as everywhere else? Do we really want to live in a world where there are only Wal-Marts and Olive Gardens and Applebees? Do we really want to become one homogeneous culture?

Of course not. But because one culture means more money for the powerful, we’re drawn into its trap. I honestly think that the Republicans will be happy only when there is one huge company that runs everything.

Meanwhile, we’re human guinea pigs for whatever nefarious experiments they want to run on us. Last week, Daniels stole an hour from us. Next week, he may decide to eliminate Tuesdays, or declare that water should run uphill from now on.

If a government can take away an hour of your sleep, as it did last week, they’ll come next and take away the rest of your freedoms. For the sake of all that is good, let us abandon this hideous experiment of “daylight-saving time” and restore at least some justice to the people.