Virgin Mary charged

Washington, 2016 — In a historic decision last week, the United States Supreme Court ruled that criminal charges against the Virgin Mary in Indiana were in fact legal. Charges stemmed from the unmarried Our Lady of Sorrow’s unauthorized pregnancy by “immaculate conception.”

Since 2006, the state of Indiana has forbidden pregnancy for unmarried women who conceive a child by any means other than sexual intercourse, including immaculate conceptions.

The change in law was originally intended to prevent Sodomite couples that are biologically incapable of creating an embryo from using medical technology to help them become parents. But the requirement of marriage in order for intended parents to legally receive the required Gestational Certificate cast a far wider net for catching sinful criminals.

In the decade since Unauthorized Reproduction became a criminal offense in Indiana, thousands of same-sex couples and single women throughout the state have been arrested. Due to prison overcrowding and their non-violent status, offenders have not been incarcerated — though they have been required to wear huge scarlet letters on their clothing at all time.

But the arrest of the Virgin Mother raised serious and ethical questions about the practicality of such legislation and its rather ironic affect on the Christian religion.As a strict Constructionist who does not legislate from the bench, U.S. Supreme Court Justice John Roberts apologized to Christians everywhere for his ruling. “There’s simply nothing in the Constitution that literally says the Mother of God should not be held to the same legal standard as everyone else,” he told reporters.