New recruitment measures for Army

Recent efforts by the U.S. Army to make their recruitment goals have, by anyone’s standard, come to naught. Lowering of the recruitment goal, however, hasn’t helped, as the Army continues to fail to attract new soldiers for its ongoing conflicts in Afghanistan and Iraq, as well as missions in other countries.
The Army has even diminished its criteria for enlistment, including loosening its strictures against drug use among recruits.

Still, it cannot meet its goals.

In light of this, the U.S. Army has kicked off a new publicity campaign entitled “An Army of One Kickass Drug,” with a nationwide release in print and TV over the weekend. According to U.S. Army spokesperson Capt. Donald Deckard, “Basically, we are offering potential soldiers to enlist as per their favorite drug’s country of origin. For example, recruits who have a taste for heroin can enlist specifically for a stint in Afghanistan. If you like hash, well, we’ve got a job for you in Turkey.

“Of course,” Deckard continued, “Iraq’s got heroin and opium and whatnot, but we’ve been trying to connect the recruits who go for good old fashioned alcohol to join the Army and go drink their brains out hunting down al Qaeda.”
Deckard cautioned that the Army would continue to demand the highest standards of behavior from its soldiers.