Downtown Diary

by Rocky the Diabolical Cat™

My darling Evangelina and I were strolling paw in hand downtown when Evangelina suggested we have lunch at Picasso’s Urban Bistro.

As we walked along Washington Street we saw a Hummer with a 3-foot magnetic ribbon stuck to the back. It read, “I’m praying for whichever military-related thing everybody else is praying for today.”

“What. Ev. Uh.” I sighed.

We entered Picasso’s. “Ach, I hate this place. It is so Grosztesque!” I groaned.
“Now, now, Rocky, be the gentleman I know and love,” Evangelina said as she squeezed my paw.

“Alright, but just for you, my darling,” I replied.

In the bar we saw Theodore, the claw-scars on his face made less noticeable by the muted lighting.

“Hello, Theodore,” Evangelina said.

“Yes, hello, Theobore,” I mumbled.

“Ugh, it’s the leftist cat-radical and his tramp girlfriend. Are you here today to kill me as you threatened, Rocky?” he asked.

“No, I am not,” I replied. “My personal physician expressed great disappointment in me that I resorted to physical violence with you. Henceforth, my goal is simply to drive you insane.”

“Ahem, that is a nice bow tie you are wearing, Theodore,” Evangelina interjected sunnily.

“It is made of silk, the purest silk. Do you know why I wear it? Because I’m smooth, smooth as silk, that’s why,” Theodore said.

I looked at the fascist punk and laughed.

“My man,” I said, “the only thing you have in common with silk is that you both were excreted by worms — in the fabric’s case, by the fabled silkworm, in your case, by George W. Bush!”