Magic bulldozer under construction

Pentagon and White House officials have announced that development is currently underway to create a magic bulldozer, capable of moving both heaven and earth. White House spokesperson for military affairs Devon DiBudnick told reporters today that “When the president speaks, we listen. In his press conference last week, he said that if we’d even had an inkling of the Sept. 11 attacks, we would have ‘moved heaven and earth’ to stop them. Well, we got to work that very night on this project.”

The proposed bulldozer, to be built by Hallidanburton, will have both a “causal and acausal plane component,” DiBubnick said. “Of course, it will be a real bulldozer that can push soil and trees and other flora around, but it will have a metaphysical aspect.” After all, DiBudnick added, “The bulldozer has to move heaven as well.”

DiBudnick cautioned that the development team was in its nascent stages, but that the “metaphysical aspect to the bulldozer will likely be in the design of the bulldozer’s blade.” DiBudnick stated that various religious leaders from throughout the country would be engaged in the process. DiBudnick said Jerry Falwell, Ralph Reed and Pat Robertson were already in contact with the White House.

“More like a bullshitdozer,” groused one White House official who declined to be named. He added that “This is just one more example of the administration getting high-cost contracts to their old buddies at Hallidanburton.”

DiBudnick declined to speculate about the cost of the magic bulldozer, stating that “We have no idea at this point, but really, with such an innovative contraption, we will be looking at substantial costs. The payoff, however, is immeasurable. If we can move heaven with this thing once it’s done, think of the good we can do for the entire planet.”

Blueprints for the bulldozer are expected to be unveiled by the end of the month.