Bush to publish military memoir

[this is satire]

Recently, the White House released military documents that provided details regarding Bush’s payment record, but since no one in the National Guard can remember ever seeing Bush, questions persist. These questions are particularly compelling, given the war record of probable Democrat nominee for president Sen. John Kerry, who wrote a book about his wartime experiences, A Call to Service.

Now, tired of being dogged by lingering doubts about his service in the National Guard three decades ago, Bush has decided to pen a memoir about his military service. He appeared on Meet the Stress on Sunday to announce his forthcoming book.

“At first,” Bush said, “I was thinking of calling it Honorably Discharged, but my advisors think that title’s a little flat.”

One White House official, who spoke on conditions of anonymity, agreed. “We just don’t think Honorably Discharged will capture the imagination of the American people. We thought about Sweet Home Alabama, but didn’t want to confuse potential readers since that is also a song and a film. Finally, AWOL-Not! was floated with some focus groups, but that too didn’t make the grade.”

The plan for the book originally was to feature a photo of Bush in an Air National Guard uniform on the cover, with a title. The actual content of the book was going to be, according to unnamed sources, “a couple of photos of Bush, maybe some dental records.”

One official added, “It’ll be light on the written content — just like the president likes it.”

Officials, however, have decided that the book should contain words. How many words the memoir will contain is uncertain. Bush himself hasn’t given many details of his service in the National Guard, but told Meet the Stress that “The book will explore the many exciting experiences I had serving my country in the National Guard.”

The White House, with Bush’s blessing, has decided to hire a ghostwriter to help “flesh out the bones of the story,” as one official put it. The name of the ghostwriter was not reported, but insiders say it will be Egor S. Grand, an Indiana-based writer known for making shit up.

The book’s release is planned for Oct. 31, 2004.