Predictions for 2004

[this is satire]

As we begin the year under level orange terror alert and with mad cows roaming the streets, I’d like to offer my predictions for 2004.

• Osama bin Laden will broadcast a TV game show on the Al’ Jazeera network called Who Wants to be a Martyr?

• Leprosy and locusts will ravage the state of California.

• After the success of his CD Once I Dreamed of Christmas, local folkie Otis Gibbs will record albums for every holiday, including, I Was Thinking About Easter, I Had a Halloween Nightmare and I Figured It Was Memorial Day.

• Rush Limbaugh will get back on the dope.

• Local disc jockeys Bob and Tom will switch their popular radio show from jokes and classic rock to a purely classical music format.

• America’s favorite Survivor, Indy resident Rupert Boneham, will make a last minute run for U.S. president and win. He will turn out to be the best president since Lincoln.