River to be dyed

[this article is satire]

Reacting to a recent survey indicating that visitors to the Circle City prefer blue toilet water to undyed toilet water by a 2-1 margin, the city has ordered that gigantic fizzy blue dye tablets be installed in White River north of the city.

“We want people to feel at home when they visit our town,” Downtown Visitational Commissar Felix Hunger stated. “And we don’t want them to think our beloved White River is dirty, like a dirty toilet or something. Permanently dying the river toilet-water blue will increase the comfortistical level of our visitors.”

“Oh! Blue toilet water is the height of sophistication, if you ask me!” Mrs. Skeeter Jones of Martinsville stated while strolling past the city’s minor league baseball field. “And y’all even have an Injun tent, too!” she said, pointing to the teepee in the outfield of Bush Stadium.

“Our goal,” Hunger stated, “is for the City of Indianapolis to remain the preeminent tourist destination in Central Indiana no matter what the cost.”