2002 Haiku Year in Review

International

most of Europe goes

to the Euro leaving Brits

to finger their pounds

Arafat, Sharon

know: in the wild wild West Bank

it"s always high noon

Israel, slouching

toward Bethlehem, scratches

apocalypse itch

Nativity a

killing field; where are the wise

men when you need them?

the most compelling

reason to attack Iraq

is because it rhymes

even Britain is

against invasion leaving

Bush out on a limb

China doesn"t want

its own to ogle Google

giving it the gong

business rival

poisons patrons in China

bull in a snack shop

National

if I nearly choked

to death and my dogs did naught

I"d get me new dogs

Bush is traveling

the USA hawking his

enronergy plan

Hoosier minister

and family struck by tree

in an act of odd

soft money rivals

McConnell and McCain might

McChoke each other

new Bush antidrug

plan ignores most powerful

drug of all: money

Orrin Hatch blows his

top because the Democrats

won"t pick Pickering

INS grants dead

terrorists the right to fly

in the afterlife

Tom Ridge"s color-

coded warning system was

designed by Barney!

cloned kitty Rainbow

means we can have Rin Tin Tin

all over again

Bush signs campaign bill

out of the spotlight to keep

from raising McCain

government is just

a self-perpetuating

cash-making machine

babies who breastfeed

turn out to have high IQs

just like their mothers

Bush is pilloried

by press asking about the

sale of Harken stock

everyone is

focused on Saddam because

Osama bin lost

Bush keeps his distance

from the press corps; no one can

even read his lips

"I love all of you

especially your wives,"

says Long Strom Thurmond

airline shoebomber

pleads guilty to pretending

to be Maxwell Smart

calling card left by

East Coast sniper shows him to

be a Tarot-ist

one senator speaks

out against Iraq attack

flipping Bush the Byrd

since folks can"t afford

to send their kids to college

how about Iraq?

Bush"s terror bill

will create the Mother of

all Bureaucracies

Environment

energy task force

is comprised of GOPs

and their IOUs

Bush White House would like

the Endangered Species Act

to become extinct

if Bush can"t get oil

out of Alaska then by

god he"ll get timber

George Bush plan to thin

trees can"t see the forests for

the logging profits

Bush streamlines process

by which he annihilates

the environment

with Bush against them

climate talks turn to preferred

best brand of sunblock

Sports

Tyson erupts in

Cuban hotel; witnesses

just cover their ears

the Pacers" O"Neal

appeared in all-star game in

a non-germane way

the Pacer playoff

series with New Jersey ends

up nothing but Nets

the 20 pounds that

Al Unser Jr. lost must

have come from his brain

financial scam for

Sacramento forward means

Webber may be grilled

what no one seems to

realize is "Irsay" is

pig latin for "Sir"

Business

Arthur Andersen

decides to switch business to

making confetti

the fact that Enron

didn"t pay taxes makes me

choke on a pretzel

workers at Enron

screwed, discovering themselves

401K-Oed

on economic

issues Dick has become George

Bush"s ball & chain

who would"ve thought that

the business pages would

read like a tabloid

embroiled in divorce,

Jack Welch reveals that G.E.

stands for Gross Excess

poverty rises

in Land of Compassionate

Conservatism

no health insurance

in Land of Compassionate

Conservatism