Saturday, January 7, 2017

Savage Love: Be open about your open relationship

Plus: "Running" partners; Milk from the tap; Homo hookups; Therapy; and Xmas

Posted By on Sat, Jan 7, 2017 at 10:00 AM

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Last month, we recorded our Savage Lovecast Christmas Spectacular live at Revolution Hall in Portland, Oregon. The audience submitted questions on tiny cards before the show, which allowed questioners to remain anonymous and forced them to be succinct. More questions were submitted than my guests and I could get to, so I promised the crowd I would answer as many of their unanswered questions as I could in this week’s column. Here we go…

If you’re married and in an open relationship, do you need to include that info in your Tinder profile? Or can you wait until later?

You should include/disclose that info in your profile (best practice), but many similarly situated men choose to wait until later (understandable practice, considering the stigma). But the existence of a spouse must be disclosed sometime between the end of the first text exchange and the start of the first blowjob.

My wife goes on long runs with her girlfriend. I’m sure they are having sex in the woods. I’m jealous because I’m not getting enough. What should I do?


 Get your own “running” partner.

I’m four months pregnant. My husband won’t stop talking about how excited he is to taste my breast milk. I said he could try it from a bottle, but he wants it from the source. I want to be GGG, but this weirds me out.

Tell your husband you’re going to table this topic for the time being. It’s possible you’ll be less weirded out by the idea once you’re actually breast-feeding, or the opposite is also a possibility. But pestering you about it for the next five months isn’t going to increase his chances of getting it from the source — quite the opposite. (And for the record: You can be GGG and still have hard limits/absolutely nots.)

I’m a 25-year-old gay man who doesn’t resonate with hookup culture. If I’m not comfortable fucking right away, how can I compete/find a partner?

I get your question all the time — which means you’re not alone. Be up front about what you are willing to do (fuck after a getting-to-know-you date or two) and what you are not willing to do (fuck after a “sup?” or two), and you’ll scare off the wrong-for-you boys and attract the right-for-you boys.

I’m too broken. I don’t know where to start.

Therapy.

Not a question, but a thank-you for helping me to undo my “Utah damage.” Grateful for you, Dan! Merry Xmas!

You’re welcome, former Utahan, a belated Merry Xmess to you, and a happy/watchful/politically-engaged/join-the-resistance New Year to all!

On the Lovecast, Dan Savage and the brilliant Randy Rainbow: savagelovecast.com.

mail@savagelove.net
@fakedansavage on Twitter


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In addition to being a nationally syndicated sex advice columnist and author of books, Savage can also lay claim to being the only person at his home paper to have actually converted his sexuality into a profession. He has a boyfriend and a child. He is also wealthy beyond the dreams of avarice and cheats at racketball... more

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