Friday, October 14, 2016

Savage Love: Cuddle time

Posted By on Fri, Oct 14, 2016 at 11:00 AM

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I’m a 56-year-old widow. My husband died suddenly eight years ago. We had no children. I’ve learned how to get along on my own, and until recently, living alone didn’t bother me. Lately, though, I’ve become lonely. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone. The problem is that, since menopause hit, I no longer desire sex. I only miss cuddling and holding hands. My body shut the door on sex, and for the most part, I’m fine with it. (Sex with my late husband was truly terrible.) Should I just accept that I’m destined to spend the rest of my life alone?
Ready To Give Up

Don’t suppose you’d be interested in a 64-year-old who doesn’t leave the house much and feels entitled to a child- and tattoo-free twentysomething but might be willing to settle? There could be a used car in it for you. No?

Then here’s another option: There are men out there — some around your age, some older, some significantly older — who aren’t interested in and/or capable of having sex anymore. Many of these men want companionship, too, and they lurk on dating websites, afraid to respond because they wrongly assume all the women on or are looking for older guys who can get it up and get it in.

Create a profile and be honest about what you want (companionship, intimacy) and don’t want (sex), RTGU, and you’ll hear from men who want a life partner and a cuddle buddy, not a sex partner or a fuck buddy.

Finally, RTGU, if you’re content without sex, I’m content. But I can’t help wondering if your terrible-at-sex husband didn’t create a negative association that a more considerate, attentive partner might be able to break. If you spoke to your doctor about treatment options and then landed in bed with a man who was kind, considerate, and capable, but content just to cuddle — so no pressure — you might find yourself wanting to reopen that door.

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Dan Savage

Dan Savage

In addition to being a nationally syndicated sex advice columnist and author of books, Savage can also lay claim to being the only person at his home paper to have actually converted his sexuality into a profession. He has a boyfriend and a child. He is also wealthy beyond the dreams of avarice and cheats at racketball... more

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