I am a 36-year-old Italian straight man. I love my girlfriend endlessly. One month ago, she told me she has thoughts about missing out on the things she didn’t get to do in her teens. She is 29 years old now.
Also, she says she feels only a mild love for me now and is curious about other men. Yesterday we met and cried and talked and made love and it felt like she still loves me passionately. But she also told me she had sex with a stranger a week ago and she is going for one and a half months to Los Angeles on her own.
Now I feel confused. I should hate her for what she did to me, I should tell her to fuck off, but I can’t do it. I am so in love and I want to be together again after her trip. How do I exit this turmoil?
Pensive And Insecure Now
You exit this turmoil by breaking up with your girlfriend.
She wants to get out there and do “things she didn’t get to do in her teens,” i.e., fuck other guys and most likely date other guys. This isn’t what you want, PAIN, you’ve made that clear to her, but she’s gonna fuck other guys anyway. You don’t have to pretend to hate her, PAIN, and you don’t have to tell her to fuck off. But you do have to tell her that it’s over — at least for now.
And once she goes, PAIN, don’t lie around tormenting yourself with mental images of all the things/men she’s doing in Los Angeles. Don’t put your life on hold — love life included — while she’s gone. You’re going to be single. So get out there, date other women, do some things/women you haven’t done. If she wants to get back together when she returns, and if you still want to get back together with her, you can pick things up where you left off.
But you should act like it’s over while she’s gone, PAIN, because it most likely is.
On the Lovecast, Cheryl Strayed schools Dan on hiking sex: savagelovecast.com