DEAR READERS: This is the final week of my summer vacation—but you’ve been getting a new column every week I’ve been gone, all of them written by Dan Savage, none of them written by me.
I’ve always enjoyed reading your column — maybe I just get turned on by other people’s sexual endeavors or maybe reading about other people’s sexual frustrations makes my situation seem better in comparison.
Our final guest Dan Savage is an independent designer, illustrator, and animation director based in Brooklyn, New York. He created Yule Log 2.0 (watchyulelog.com), a collaborative art project where animators around the world reimagine the famous Yule log fireplace. He has worked with the New York Times, Herman Miller, and Google, he’s taught design and animation at NYU and SVA, and he’s won a bunch of design industry awards you probably haven’t heard of.
“I was excited to do this, even though I have no authority on the topic,” said Daniel Savage, award-winning independent designer. “But I surprisingly felt pretty confident in my answers, as ridiculous as they may be.”
So what am I writing about? Well, I suppose the question is this: When does one just become blatantly ungrateful? I’ve been in a two-year mixed relationship (she’s Native and 24, I’m white and 29), and we fight a lot. She cheated on me a couple times early in the relationship. She says I pressured her into getting into a relationship when she wasn’t ready to “settle down,” which I suppose I could see.
My problem is I have a handjob fetish and my girlfriend has a disinterest in it, to the point where she just won’t do it. But why am I bitching? I get laid every day for the most part, surprise blowjobs, 69ing, you name it. Should I accept this as fate?
But just this morning, we went for round two, and I was having a hard time coming, and out of nowhere she pops up and jerks me off till climax. It really took me back. Would it be bad to fake having coming issues in hopes she does it again? Is that unfair?
It’s interesting that your problem isn’t the fact that she cheated on you, TC, or the relationship problems, or the constant fighting. No, it’s the lack of handjob enthusiasm. Honestly, man, it seems like you have much deeper issues here — but the handjob problem is the only concrete thing you point to?
The girlfriend you’ve got sounds super selfish, and finding a new girl — one who wouldn’t cheat on you and would be excited to jump into a relationship AND be down with a little tug — isn’t going to be that difficult of a task. I mean, your fetish seems like it’s an easy one to explore.
But to answer your actual question: I would go ahead and fake it. Fuck it, lie to her. It seems like she has no issues lying to you!
Follow Daniel Savage on Twitter at @somethingsavage and visit his website at somethingsavage.com.
On the Lovecast, a special guest rant by writer Sherman Alexie: savagelovecast.com.
@fakedansavage on Twitter