DEAR READERS: I’m on vacation for three weeks—but you won’t be reading old columns in my absence, and you won’t be reading columns by anyone who isn’t Dan Savage. You’ll be reading new columns, all of them written by Dan Savage, none of them written by me.
Our second guest Dan Savage is 32 years old, single, and living in London. Dan Savage got his professional start working in promotions at the legendary London nightclub G-A-Y. He’s now 10 years into a career in theater arts marketing and currently works for some of the West End’s biggest hit musicals. Dan has never written a sex-advice column before, but he occasionally gets angry tweets that were meant for me.
A quick word about qualifications: Advice is defined as “an opinion about what could or should be done.” We’re all entitled to our opinions—but only Dan Savage, theatrical marketing exec, is entitled to share his opinions in my column this week. Take it away, Dan!
I’m an early-30s bi woman. As I have more relationships, I have started to see a pattern in that I find sex much hotter when there is some degree of confusion or forbidden-ness. So relationship sex can get boring quickly. I know there’s not necessarily a good answer for why, but any suggestions on what to do about this? I want to have great sex with a partner for life! Maybe my expectations about good sex in a long-term relationship are unrealistic? I know it’s not always going to be crazy passion, but how can I sustain amazing sex in a relationship?
Passion Fades From This
A problem you and I share! The fun is in the chase, the excitement of someone new, and that first time. You may return for a second or maybe a third time—but then what or who is next? Often regardless of whatever feelings may have started to develop.
For those who don’t understand, just imagine we’re talking about food. You like food. You like lots of different types of food. Right now, your favorite food is hot dogs. But you don’t want to eat that every day. Occasionally, you might want an all-you-can-eat sushi buffet.
I believe the secret to a good relationship—besides love and passion—is keeping it downright dirty! It’s about keeping that spark alive. If the fun starts to fade, spice it up with toys, games, risky locations, additional people, rubber dog masks—you can’t know what will excite you both until you give it a try! But that’s the key, that you both like it.
There are millions of people all over the world in long-term relationships that on the face of it maintain a fun and healthy sex life—can it really be that hard? Or maybe long-term relationships aren’t for you, PFFT!