Thursday, August 4, 2016

Savage Love: Never violate a unicorns rules

No means no

Posted By on Thu, Aug 4, 2016 at 2:00 PM

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I hooked up with this hot married couple. We’d done it before, and my expectations were shaped by previous (fun) experiences with them. But the sex wasn’t good this time.

That would be fine — sometimes it just doesn’t work, and I am an adult about it — but for the specific reason it wasn’t good: The husband came on my face after I specifically told him not to do that. I used my words. He still blew a load in my face and then sheepishly kinda apologized afterwards. He said he didn’t mean to do it and that he was aiming at my boobs.

I do not believe it for a second. It was an “ask for forgiveness, not for permission” kind of thing — I could see that on his face. He looooves facials. So that sealed my decision to not sleep with them again, which I told them about. I consider a load in my face against my will to be a big violation of my trust/friendship.

The couple thinks I’m overreacting and that a load in your face should be a forgivable offense. I’m not going to change my mind, but I am curious what you think about sneaky facials.

Unwanted Semen Angers! Unicorn Seeking Advice!

Sneaky facials are sneaky, and I don’t approve of sneakiness in the sack. People should be straightforward and direct; they should communicate their wants, needs, and limits clearly; and we should all err on the side of solicitousness, i.e., drawing new sex partners out about their wants, needs, and limits, because some folks have a hard time using their words where sex is concerned.

You used your words, USA!USA!, and this dude violated your clearly communicated wants, needs, and limits. I’m glad you let them know you were upset and why you weren’t going to see them again. Single women who want to hook up with married couples are hard to come by and in — that’s why you’re called unicorns — and his selfish disregard for your limits, his clear violation of your trust, cost them a unicorn.

On the Lovecast, Dan chats with MTV’s Ira Madison III about sex and race:
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Dan Savage

Dan Savage

In addition to being a nationally syndicated sex advice columnist and author of books, Savage can also lay claim to being the only person at his home paper to have actually converted his sexuality into a profession. He has a boyfriend and a child. He is also wealthy beyond the dreams of avarice and cheats at racketball... more

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