Thursday, August 4, 2016

Savage Love: Keep past mistakes in the past?

Let sleeping dogs lie

Posted By on Thu, Aug 4, 2016 at 9:56 AM

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I am currently separated. A few months after I moved out, my estranged wife found out that I cheated on her before we got married. I was a CPOS. I feel horribly guilty and would like to think I’ll never do it again. The question is: When and what should I disclose to future partners?

No Clever Acronym

There’s no need to disclose this to future partners. Everyone makes mistakes—and the mistake you made, while a deeply painful betrayal of your then-girlfriend and presumably a violation of a premarital monogamous commitment, is a thoroughly common one. Human beings aren’t used cars—we aren’t obligated to disclose every ditch we drove ourselves into before we resell ourselves. You didn’t fuck around on your ex habitually, you’re not a serial cheater, and you never violated your marriage vows. So there’s that. Resolve not to make this mistake again—make only new ones—and stuff that incident down Ye Olde Memory Hole.

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Dan Savage

Dan Savage

In addition to being a nationally syndicated sex advice columnist and author of books, Savage can also lay claim to being the only person at his home paper to have actually converted his sexuality into a profession. He has a boyfriend and a child. He is also wealthy beyond the dreams of avarice and cheats at racketball... more

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