Friday, July 22, 2016

Savage Love: Bumping into friends on hookup apps

Did you find someone you didn't expect on a hookup app?

Posted By on Fri, Jul 22, 2016 at 7:30 PM

click to enlarge savagelove_595_1_.png

I’m a gay guy in an open relationship and I’m on Recon, a gay hookup/dating site for guys into leather/fetish/BDSM. My partner, who isn’t kinky, knows I have a profile there and it’s not a problem. Today I got a message from a new guy, and when we exchanged face pics, I saw that he looks exactly like “Peter,” my boyfriend’s best friend’s fiancé! I asked him if that was him, and he stopped responding. What should I do?

My BF doesn’t want to know much about my extracurricular activities, but this could make our next double date extremely awkward. We see this other couple a fair amount, and even though I think this guy is good-looking, I would never sleep with him because of the social situation. On the other hand, if I’m wrong and they’re not the same person, bringing it up with them could make things awkward, especially since I’m pretty secretive about my kinks and have zero desire to discuss them with my BF’s friends.

Requires Educated Consultation On Next Step

P.S. Additional information that might be relevant: Our engaged friends aren’t having sex, we’ve been told, and they’re making no moves toward actually planning a wedding.

Going silent after you asked, “Is that you, Peter?!?” is a pretty good indication that it was indeed Peter you were talking to. But while you know Peter was on Recon, RECONS, you don’t know exactly what he was doing there. Maybe he goes online to fantasize, swap pics, and jack off. Maybe Peter is on Recon with his fiancé’s blessing, just as you’re on Recon with your partner’s blessing (but, like you, he’s not comfortable discussing his kinks with friends). Maybe their relationship/engagement is on the verge of collapse and your partner’s best friend’s fiancé is trying to line up a new relationship before pulling the plug on the one he’s in now.

Since you don’t know what’s going on in their relationship, RECONS, keep your mouth shut and refrain from making assumptions or judgments. And the next time you have to interact with Peter and his fiancé socially, slap a smile on your face and talk about the weather, the election, the estrogen-enhanced, better-than-the-original Ghostbusters reboot, the new season of Difficult People, Zika, the Olympics—basically anything other than Recon, kinks, and wedding plans.

Tags: , ,


Speaking of Savage Love, sex Advice

Around the Web

This Week's Flyers

About The Author

Dan Savage

Dan Savage

In addition to being a nationally syndicated sex advice columnist and author of books, Savage can also lay claim to being the only person at his home paper to have actually converted his sexuality into a profession. He has a boyfriend and a child. He is also wealthy beyond the dreams of avarice and cheats at racketball... more

Today's Best Bets | All of today's events

Around the Web

All contents copyright © 2017 NUVO Inc.
3951 N. Meridian St., Suite 200, Indianapolis, IN 46208
Website powered by Foundation