Thursday, July 7, 2016

Savage Love: Tinder stalking

Swipe left or right?

Posted By on Thu, Jul 7, 2016 at 4:00 AM

I’m a cis woman in my late 20s. About three months ago, I had my first one-night stand. I’ve noticed my thoughts have continued to gravitate toward this man ever since — despite having other sexual partners in the interim. I recently ran across his profile on Tinder — however, I’m fairly sure he hasn’t logged on for a while as certain things weren’t up to date.

While I obviously swiped right, I’m curious as to whether it would be seen as inappropriate or possibly invasive if I were to reach out via the powers of social media. The night we had went well — it was all incredibly comfortable sexually, and I found him very interesting to talk to both before and after we hooked up. I should mention that I left rather swiftly that evening without grabbing his number in an attempt to “play it cool.” I definitely don’t want to cross social or personal boundaries, but I’d like to see him again.


There’s nothing creepy about letting someone you fucked know you wanna fuck ’em again or, hey, maybe even date ’em for a while. It gets creepy only if they don’t respond, or if they politely decline, and you keep letting them know you would like to fuck/date them some more.

You liked him, you had a nice time, the sex was good—and you left, stupidly, without his number for fear of looking clingy or uncool. Social media has come with costs —trolls, bullying, Donald Trump’s Twitter feed — but the ability to locate someone and ask for a do-over/screw-over is one of the benefits. So look him up on Facebook or Instagram and send him a note. If you don’t hear back, consider yourself swiped left and move on.

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Dan Savage

Dan Savage

In addition to being a nationally syndicated sex advice columnist and author of books, Savage can also lay claim to being the only person at his home paper to have actually converted his sexuality into a profession. He has a boyfriend and a child. He is also wealthy beyond the dreams of avarice and cheats at racketball... more

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