Thursday, June 23, 2016

Savage Love: Syncing phone problems?

Adjust those privacy settings

Posted By on Thu, Jun 23, 2016 at 7:30 PM

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I recently synced my phone contacts to my Twitter account. When I was scrolling through the list of people who turned up from my contacts, I saw a username that looked out of place. It was the account of a low-key traditional-guy friend of mine. To my surprise, on the account he was dressed as a woman in a few of the pictures and was with another Twitter user who is a popular dominatrix in the area where he lives. I’m sex-positive and support people who are gender nonconforming, of course. I also work for a porn company, so I don’t judge anyone who participates in BDSM.

My concern is that I don’t know if this person is aware that his account can be found via a regular old social media and phone sync. I don’t want him to get outed for being a fetishist or possibly being gender questioning or transgender if he does not want to be out. Should I give him a heads up? Should I keep my mouth shut? I want to be respectful.

Knowing Isn’t Necessarily Knowledge, Yes?

Send that traditional guy a note, KINKY, but “bury the lead,” as they say in the news biz. Instead of opening with those particular photos being easily accessible to all, open with the relevant facts about yourself: “You know I work in porn, and I’m not fazed by BDSM or sex work or any sort of gender-related sex play, and I’m a big supporter of gender-nonconforming people as well as the trans community.”

Then let him know what you found, how you stumbled across it, and how to adjust his privacy settings.

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Dan Savage

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In addition to being a nationally syndicated sex advice columnist and author of books, Savage can also lay claim to being the only person at his home paper to have actually converted his sexuality into a profession. He has a boyfriend and a child. He is also wealthy beyond the dreams of avarice and cheats at racketball... more

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