Thursday, June 2, 2016

Savage Love: How I met your mother

Well, we were at this ... party ...

Posted By on Thu, Jun 2, 2016 at 9:00 AM

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If I first met someone on a hookup site or at a sex party and then we start seeing each other, what’s the best way to explain how we met when we’re at a social event and people ask?

Torrid Revelations Undermining Totally Honesty

The truth is always nice — and in your case, TRUTH, telling the truth about your relationship could be constructive.

There are a lot of people out there in loving committed relationships (LCR) that had crazy sleazy starts (CSS). But very few people in a LCR with a CSS tell the truth when asked how they met. A couple who met at a sex party will say they met at a dinner party, a couple that met inside a cage in a sex dungeon will say they met doing a team-building exercise at a work retreat, a couple that met during an impulsive, drunken threesome will say they met at a riotous protest outside a Trump rally.
These lies are understandable: People don’t want to be judged or shamed. But when a CSS couple lies about how they met, TRUTH, they reinforce the very shame and stigma that made them feel like they had to lie in the first place. And they play into the sex-negative, self-defeating, and super-hypocritical assumption made by singles who attend sex parties, spend time in cages, and have impulsive threesomes — these single people who do sleazy things often refuse to date the people they meet at sex parties, etc., because they believe no LCR ever had a CSS. If couples that had sleazy starts told the truth about themselves, single people would be less likely to rule out dating people they met sleazily.

On the Lovecast, Emily Bazelon and Mistress Matisse on decriminalizing prostitution:
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Dan Savage

Dan Savage

In addition to being a nationally syndicated sex advice columnist and author of books, Savage can also lay claim to being the only person at his home paper to have actually converted his sexuality into a profession. He has a boyfriend and a child. He is also wealthy beyond the dreams of avarice and cheats at racketball... more

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