Thursday, April 14, 2016

Savage Love: Paddle alone

Wife's jealous of his kayaking/cycling partner

Posted By on Thu, Apr 14, 2016 at 10:18 AM

click to enlarge man_and_woman_on_a_malvern_star_abreast_tandem_bicycle_c._1.jpg

I’m a 52-year-old straight guy from Australia, 29 years married. About eight years ago, I met a lady through work and we became friends, with our friendship continuing after she moved on to a different job. We meet up for coffee occasionally, and we share a love of cycling and kayaking, which we also do together on occasion. Both of us are in long-term, committed monogamous relationships. Our friendship is strictly platonic, sharing our love of riding and paddling. Neither of our partners shares our interest in these outdoor pursuits. My friend does not feel safe doing these activities alone, so often depends on my company for safety as well. The problem is that my wife gets jealous of the time we spend together and wants me to cut off contact with my friend. My wife does not trust my friend not to “take advantage” of our friendship. My relationship with my wife is the most important one in my life, so I am prepared to say good-bye to my friend. How do I say good-bye in a respectful, caring, and loving way? If she asks why we cannot be friends, I don’t want to tell her, “Because my wife doesn’t trust you not to try to get inside my pants (or cycling shorts),” as that would be hurtful. I don’t want to lie, but telling the truth would be damaging to my friend.

Paddling And Riding Terminates

Your friend is going to waste a lot of time wondering what she did wrong, PART, if you don’t tell her the real reason you can’t hang out with her anymore. And guess what? This not knowing will cause her more hurt than the truth could. So tell your friend the real reason she’s out of your life: You’re terminating your friendship because your wife is an insecure bag of slop who regards her as a threat. Your friend has a right to know she’s as blameless as you are spineless. Forgive me for being harsh, PART, but I think standing up to your wife, not dropping your friend, is the best approach to this situation.

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Dan Savage

Dan Savage

In addition to being a nationally syndicated sex advice columnist and author of books, Savage can also lay claim to being the only person at his home paper to have actually converted his sexuality into a profession. He has a boyfriend and a child. He is also wealthy beyond the dreams of avarice and cheats at racketball... more

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