I am fresh out of a gay relationship, which started monogamous, opened up, dabbled with polyamory, but ran out of steam. I’m heartbroken and I need you to weigh in on a disagreement we had about polyamory, which is one of the things that led to our expiration. I believe polyamory to be a small group of people all in love with each other, all sleeping together. He believes polyamory to be different pairings, where a relationship between two people would be lived and enjoyed separately from that couple’s pairings with other people. He thinks my definition would be impossible to find and sustain. I think his definition sounds like child custody in a divorce dispute. Who is right?
Reexamining Relationship Remnants
“They’re both right,” said Allena Gabosch, a poly activist, educator, and podcaster (The Relationship Anarchy Show). “What the letter writer describes — a small group of people who love each other and all sleep together — is sometimes called ‘polyfidelity.’ It’s less common, and yet I’ve seen it work. His ex’s definition is more common: a primary couple with secondary and sometimes even tertiary partners. There is no ‘one true way’ to do poly, no matter what anyone says.”
On the Lovecast, Dan chats with the filmmakers of the documentary Give Me Sex Jesus: savagelovecast.com
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