Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Save Love: Oral fixations, part one

Don’t marry someone and hope she likes sucking your dick

Posted By on Wed, Mar 23, 2016 at 8:30 AM

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I’m a 24-year-old male, married three years, monogamous. My wife and I are religious and were both virgins when we got married. I’m sexually frustrated with two things. (1) How can I get her to give me oral sex? (She has never given and I have never received oral sex. I regularly give her oral sex.) She is afraid to try it, saying she’s not ready yet. About every six months, I bring it up and it leads to a fight. She is a germophobe, but I think she believes fellatio is done only in porn. (I used to look at porn, which nearly ended our then-dating relationship.) (2) I feel like I’m always giving and never receiving any type of affection: massages, kisses, caresses, you name it. It’s like having sex with a sex doll — no reciprocation. How do I broaden our sex life without making her feel like we’re in a porno?

Sexually Frustrated

If you don’t already have children — you don’t mention kids — please don’t have any, SF, at least not with your first wife.

You’re a religious person, SF, a lifestyle choice I don’t fully understand. But you’re also a sexual person, and that I do understand. And if you want a lifelong, sexually exclusive, and sexually fulfilling relationship, then you must prioritize sexual compatibility during your search for the second Mrs. SF. Because your next marriage is likelier to survive for the long haul if you’re partnered with someone who is attracted to you physically and is aroused —roughly speaking — by the same sex acts, positions, and fantasies you are.
In other words: Don’t marry someone and hope she likes sucking your dick. You tried that, and it didn’t work. Find someone who likes sucking your dick and marry her.

On the Lovecast, Debby Herbenick on anxiety-induced orgasms:
@fakedansavage on Twitter

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Dan Savage

Dan Savage

In addition to being a nationally syndicated sex advice columnist and author of books, Savage can also lay claim to being the only person at his home paper to have actually converted his sexuality into a profession. He has a boyfriend and a child. He is also wealthy beyond the dreams of avarice and cheats at racketball... more

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