Sunday, January 31, 2016

Savage Love: Picture this

Posted By on Sun, Jan 31, 2016 at 2:30 PM

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My wife and I have an amazing relationship. Our sex life is as hot as it can be given a child and two careers. A couple of years ago, I bought her one of those partial-body sex dolls (it has a cock and part of the stomach). We took videos and pictures while using it. Very hot for both of us. We later got a black version of the same toy. (We are white.) Even hotter videos. I have kept the videos in a secure app on my iPad. Over the past year, I have created Photoshop porn of my wife with black men using screenshots from commercial porn. I haven’t shared this with my wife. We never discussed what to do with the videos and pics we made. I assumed she trusted me not to share these images with anyone. (I haven’t and won’t!) Is it okay that I have a porn stash that features my wife? Is it okay that I have a stash of Photoshop porn of my wife fucking black men? Should I share this info—and my fantasies—with her? I’ve always fantasized about her being with a black man, but I’m not sure either of us would truly want that to happen.

Secretly Keeping Encrypted Porn That Isn’t Clearly Allowed Lately

RELATED: Poly-uninterested

You need to speak to your wife about those pics and videos, about the way you’ve manipulated them, and about your fantasies — but that’s a lot to lay on her at once, SKEPTICAL, so take it in stages.

Find a time to ask her about those old pics and videos and whether she wants them discarded or if you can continue to hang on to them. At a different time, bring up your racially charged fantasies and let her know what those partial-body sex dolls were doing for you. And finally, SKEPTICAL, if she reacts positively to your having held on to the photos and to your fantasies, ask her how she feels about you creating a few images using Photoshop of her hooking up with a black man for fantasy purposes only. It’s a little dishonest — you’re asking for permission to do what you’ve already done — but you’ll know what you need to do if her answer to the Photoshop question is “No, absolutely not!” (To be clear: You’ll need to delete those Photoshopped pics.)

All that said, SKEPTICAL, if the images you’re holding on to — the originals and/or the manipulated ones — could destroy your marriage and/or your wife’s life and/or your wife’s career if they got out (computers can be hacked or stolen, clouds may not be as secure as advertised), don’t wait: Delete all of the images now.

On the Lovecast, porn star Bailey Jay on the perils and pleasures of letting your dirty photos out:
@fakedansavage on Twitter

(NOTE: This nugget of advice appeared in the Jan. 27, 2016 issue of NUVO.)

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Dan Savage

Dan Savage

In addition to being a nationally syndicated sex advice columnist and author of books, Savage can also lay claim to being the only person at his home paper to have actually converted his sexuality into a profession. He has a boyfriend and a child. He is also wealthy beyond the dreams of avarice and cheats at racketball... more

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