Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Savage Love: A presome threesome

Posted By on Tue, Jan 12, 2016 at 4:21 PM

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My wife and I are bisexual — we’re a man and woman — and we’ve been tiptoeing right up to the edge of organizing a threesome or swap through 3nder. But we haven’t gone through with it yet — too many flakes and fakes. But we have no complaints — just contemplating a threesome has put amazing energy back into our sex life. Is there a name for the explosive sex you have with your longtime partner when you’re anticipating a group scene or threesome? If not, can we suggest the neologism “presome”? Rhymes with threesome!

Married With Anticipated High Jinks


The phenomenon you describe — the insanely hot sex a couple has before a threesome or other sexual adventure —has been noted by sex researchers and couples counselors. Dr. Margie Nichols, a psychologist and sex therapist, told the New York Times she frequently urges the non-kinky couples she sees to emulate kinky couples. “Kinky couples plan sex,” Nichols told Amy Sohn, “and simmer for days in advance.”

Many couples in the planning stages of a threesome do a lot more than simmer: Like you and the wife, MWAHJ, they find themselves having hot twosomes in anticipation of the impending (and hopefully hot) threesome. I think “presome” is a wonder term to describe that kind of sex — I’m officially endorsing your proposed neologism — but I don’t think it works as well for four-way swaps, group sex, BDSM play parties, etc., because it obviously rhymes with/riffs on “threesome.” But it’s an excellent term to describe the situation you and the wife are in.

To describe the sex you’ll have in the wake of your first successful threesome, I would propose the term “postsome.”

(NOTE: This nugget of advice appeared in the Jan. 6, 2016 issue of NUVO.)

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In addition to being a nationally syndicated sex advice columnist and author of books, Savage can also lay claim to being the only person at his home paper to have actually converted his sexuality into a profession. He has a boyfriend and a child. He is also wealthy beyond the dreams of avarice and cheats at racketball... more

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