I’m a 29-year-old gay trans man. On female hormones, I took a long time to come and usually wouldn’t come at all. I always enjoyed sex; I just wasn’t focused on coming. My partners would or wouldn’t, depending on their preferences. Since starting testosterone a few years ago, I now come quickly and easily. (Sometimes too quickly and easily.) My problem is that after I come, like most men, I’m done with sex. And the stronger the orgasm, the truer this is. A while ago, after a really fun time, I woke to find that I’d accidentally fallen asleep and left my longtime hookup buddy to fend for himself. Other times, I’m just tired and/or turned off. I definitely don’t want anyone inside me (it hurts), and while I’ve tried mustering enthusiasm for blowjobs, hand jobs, etc., my attempts come across as pretty tepid. So in the context of both ongoing relationships of various sorts and hookups, what’s the etiquette? I’ve found myself just avoiding things that’ll push me to come, because I don’t want to be rude. And since I’ve always enjoyed sex without orgasms, this doesn’t bother me mostly. But once in a while, I would like to come. How can I do this and still take care of the other guy?
Not Good At Sexy Abbreviations
Use your words, NGASA: “If it’s not a problem, I’d rather come after you do—my refractory period kicks in hard when I come and, like other men, I briefly lose interest in sex. On top of that, I’m a terrible actor. So let’s make you come first or let’s try to come at the same time, okay?”
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(NOTE: This nugget of advice appeared in the Jan. 6, 2016 issue of NUVO.)