Thursday, January 7, 2016

Savage Love: The dude's trying to abide

Posted By on Thu, Jan 7, 2016 at 10:20 AM

I’m a 29-year-old gay trans man. On female hormones, I took a long time to come and usually wouldn’t come at all. I always enjoyed sex; I just wasn’t focused on coming. My partners would or wouldn’t, depending on their preferences. Since starting testosterone a few years ago, I now come quickly and easily. (Sometimes too quickly and easily.) My problem is that after I come, like most men, I’m done with sex. And the stronger the orgasm, the truer this is. A while ago, after a really fun time, I woke to find that I’d accidentally fallen asleep and left my longtime hookup buddy to fend for himself. Other times, I’m just tired and/or turned off. I definitely don’t want anyone inside me (it hurts), and while I’ve tried mustering enthusiasm for blowjobs, hand jobs, etc., my attempts come across as pretty tepid. So in the context of both ongoing relationships of various sorts and hookups, what’s the etiquette? I’ve found myself just avoiding things that’ll push me to come, because I don’t want to be rude. And since I’ve always enjoyed sex without orgasms, this doesn’t bother me mostly. But once in a while, I would like to come. How can I do this and still take care of the other guy?

Not Good At Sexy Abbreviations


Use your words, NGASA: “If it’s not a problem, I’d rather come after you do—my refractory period kicks in hard when I come and, like other men, I briefly lose interest in sex. On top of that, I’m a terrible actor. So let’s make you come first or let’s try to come at the same time, okay?”

Listen to Dan’s podcast every week at savagelovecast.com.

mail@savagelove.net
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(NOTE: This nugget of advice appeared in the Jan. 6, 2016 issue of NUVO.)

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Dan Savage

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In addition to being a nationally syndicated sex advice columnist and author of books, Savage can also lay claim to being the only person at his home paper to have actually converted his sexuality into a profession. He has a boyfriend and a child. He is also wealthy beyond the dreams of avarice and cheats at racketball... more

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