and I got to arguing on Twitter whether they're the MOST DAD SHOES going. We both think that they're too price prohibitive to be considered dad-ly. ($119.99!! Dad is not paying $119.99 for fucking SHOES
. That is asinine.)
They're certainly in the discussion, no mistaking that! But we concluded that they're not true
dad material. They're a fraction too cool (and a lot too expensive). Anyway, before we get to my list, here is guest-blogger Caleb and his Top 5 #DadShoes currently available on the market:
5. Merrell Moc Slip-On
While Merrell markets largely to the dad who aspires for adventure, their moc slip-on is also a go-to for dads who appreciate a versatile kick: dad can easily wear these to work with some khakis and a polo and then pair them with some Levis 501s for the weekly trip to Lowe's.
4. Dr. Scholl's Fisherman Sandal
Look, it gets hot in the summer, and a fact of life is #DadFeet sweat A LOT. This is where the Fisherman Sandal comes in to save dad. He feels absolutely comfortable wearing them to the pool or the neighbor's barbecue.
3. Skechers Energy After Burn
With this shoe, Skechers sees the vision of the Nike or New Balance cross trainers, but for a slightly different dad. A dad with the same sense of style but who has absolutely given up.
2. Merrell Moab Ventilator
Merrell is arguably the leader for shoe companies marketing to adventurous dads ... dads who love the idea of going on a good hike. Realistically, the closest these kicks will get to a hiking trail is pulling weeds out of the flower beds. But dads like the idea of having the option to be adventurous.
1. New Balance 608
Dads have long had an appreciation for New Balances for their comfort, durability, and impressive cache of dad-friendly sneakers. Though all dads know the New Balance 608 is king of this court.
* * *
A fine list, that. Hard to argue with any of those. They are DAD AS HELL, all of them. Tough to beat. But goddamn it, I will try! Here are my Top 5 #DadShoes:
5. Asics Gel Crossover V
Dad doesn't play much basketball anymore, but no matter. He saw these "on the Amazon dot com place" for 80% off and he'll be goddamned if he lets a good deal pass him by. He can mow the grass in them. Or go for walks. Or throw them on with some jeans and his tucked-in GRAND CANYON t-shirt when he and mom go to Costco. Plus, he likes the ankle support. (Dad has bad ankles.)
4. Teva Omnium
Dad puts these on in May — the day after the Race — when the pool opens. He takes them off on Labor Day. They are dad's favorites. He likes the velcro strap! He'll even wear them with socks, which is some next-level DAD'ING. Your dad calling you on the phone and stressing the importance of contributing to your HSA isn't as dad as these Tevas.
3. FILA Ascent 8 Trail Running Shoes
Mom got these for dad at Kohl's. She just thought he needed something dressier than his Tevas for when they go over to friends' houses. The price was right ($24.95). He thinks the blue laces are "kinda showy," but he finds them rather comfortable. They're fine. "Good shoes for the price," he says.
2. Rockport Men's RocSports Lite 2 Mule
These have everything dad needs (a rubber sole) and NOTHING he doesn't (a stupid heel that he has to bend over and mess with to even put them on, wasting all that precious time and energy).
1. Nike Air Monarch
The Grandaddy. The undisputed King of #DadShoes. No frills. No fu-fu shit. Good arch support. They're made out of dad's lost youth and denim. You know that peg board in dad's garage with all his yard tools hung so neatly? That peg board wears Nike Air Monarchs. These shoes will punch you in the fucking head if you even THINK about touching the thermostat.
Steph Curry's new shoes came out last night and they want to talk to you about how SEP-IRAs work and how important it is to keep your gutters clean. They are the EPITOME of #DadShoes. They're fantastic!! Like a trusty meat thermometer that you wear.