I broke up with a serious boyfriend to move away to grad school. I graduated last may and actually ended up getting a job back here. We were really in love, barely fought, and I missed him the whole time I was gone. He started dating someone else while I was gone, and I recently contacted him to get a drink. Every feeling I had before was still there, and I KNEW he was feeling the same way, but he says he would feel bad for dumping his new BF and getting back with me. Should I give up and move on, or should I wait for their relationship to conclude and then try to get back together with him?
Sarah: Y’all are really dragging me over the emotional coals this week, huh? My empathy centers are on fire and I can’t take much more. GAWD what an emotional nightmare you have here, my friend. First, be thankful that you’re still in love with someone who isn’t scummy enough to just dump someone out of the blue if things are going well. That’s good. Obviously, it super sucks for you because you have all these feelings going on and you want to “place” them somewhere where you feel emotionally safe.
Let me remind you, though, that our brains and emotions are not always the most reliable tools we have at our disposal, especially when you’re in a period in your life when there’s a lot of change going on. You may have had a great relationship, and it may have been a huge bummer when it ended for life reasons, but always keep in mind that situations and relationships tend to look a lot better in retrospect than they do in the present. This isn’t me shitting all over your past romance, but rather a reminder that stress tends to make us want to retreat back into comfort, and nothing seems more perfect than the relationships we were in when they coincided with our more stable life moments.
In other words, no, don’t wait around for this guy’s relationship to be over like someone doing the pee-pee dance outside of one occupied port-a-potty in a hundred unused ones. If you’re a relatively normal adult, there are a lot of people you can build a wonderful relationship with. And if it just so happens that your paths cross again when you’re both single and ready to mingle, there’s nothing wrong with starting where you left off and seeing where it goes!