Part of the gift (burden?) of this job is that you become a bright beacon to anyone you’re even a little bit friendly with as a depository of weird sexual information they have learned. At first, these sticky bon mots of sexual intrigue were just mine to enjoy, but that seemed like a disservice to the general reading public. So now, you’ll get them, once in awhile, in the familiar space usually occupied by questions and answers. You’re welcome and I’m sorry.
A few months ago, friend and Libertine bartender Ryan Puckett sent me a text with a link in it that said, “I saw this and I thought of you.” How nice, I thought, before clicking the link. Upon that fateful click, I was treated to a visual buffet of sheer horror. It was a Vice article about a new sex toy called the Ovipositor.
Take a deep breath, folks, because it’s about to get really slimy.
If you’ve seen the Alien movies, you’re familiar with the idea of egg impregnation: the alien monster implants whole eggs into the human “host,” which chest-burst into a bunch of little baby aliens. Even before these movies existed, there was a significant interest in erotic egg implantation pregnancy in alien and UFO-interested people. Thanks to the internet (I guess), interest in this fetish has only increased, but it has lacked any grounding in the material world. At least, it has until now.
The Ovipositor’s creator, who goes only by LoneWolf, started the company after growing bored with, you guessed it, the restaurant industry. Though he’s not into the fetish himself, he found himself making them after discovering that this fetish’s market was particularly underserved.
So how does it work, you ask? Well, you take the gelatin eggs, lube them up, and shove them down into the big end of the Ovipositor. Then you do a motion to the stretchy dildo that’s halfway between jerking off a dick and milking an enormous cow’s udder. Then, out pops the slimy gelatin-coated alien “egg.” According to LoneWolf, the gelatin eggs warm up to body temperature and dissolve, though he has done no official safety testing with regard to having a clutch of huge gelatin boulders wedged up inside you and then melting out in a sticky dribble.
The Ovipositor’s parent company, Primal Hardwere (like a wolf), also makes a variety of otherworldly insertables. For the small subset of furries who do engage in sex play with their costumes on, they can put a wolf, horse, or large cat dildo sleeve on their hum-drum human dicks and go to town on their partners.
Judging by the variety of products offered by Primal Hardwere, I’d say that LoneWolf has stumbled onto a slimy goldmine. From fetish harnesses made of the same material as dog harnesses to three-foot tentacle dildos, it seems they’ve really ripped the lid off of the alien impregnation fetish and plundered it for its fortune. Ah, the American dream.
So, that’s a thing.
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