Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Ask the Sex Doc: It's really not that deep

Posted By on Wed, Sep 3, 2014 at 2:59 AM

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The Sex Doc is now a daily! Check back here every day for a new question. Have one for Dr. Debby Herbenick of the Kinsey Institute? Send it anonymously here. 

Depth Finder

Can I hurt a guy while having anal sex with him? I don't want to hit any vital organs or anything…

Sarah: Listen, reader, I know a humblebrag when I read one. I mean, vital organs? Really? When you walk into a crowded room, do you say aloud to your companion at front-of-stage volume, “Boy I hope my giant vaulting pole of a penis doesn’t cause any problems at this [exaggerated eyebrow raise] cock-tail party!” Unless one of your parents is a broom handle or your technique involves a running start and/or a trampoline to mount, I don’t think this is something you should worry about.

Debby: It’s unlikely that you would hurt someone having anal sex. Of course, on occasion, people do experience significant tears in the anus (during anal intercourse) or the vagina or vulva (during vaginal intercourse) so it’s not like there are never any sex injuries, but they are super unlikely. For tips on safer, more pleasurable anal exploration and anal sex, check out our Good in Bed Guide to Anal Pleasuring (see goodinbed.com). 

Hi Sarah and Dr. Deb! Loyal reader of "Ask the Sex Doc" here. Here's my question. What are we NOT asking you guys? Is there any sex-related issue / concern / best practice / trend etc. that's particularly of interest to either of you right now that no one has asked? What question would you want us to ask? (And can you give us an answer to it? :) Thanks!

Sarah: Thanks for hanging in there with us since the beginning! I guess I am always kind of surprised that most of our questions still mostly pertain "Am I good?"-style questions about their own bodies. If this column serves any great public policy purpose, it's proof that our public school sex education is a joke, and a hetero-normative one at that. I'm also often surprised that we don't get more questions from our younger readers who are still looking for answers to their sexual queries. I'd love to put together a MacGyver-style list of household objects that can also be deployed for sexual purposes. More than anything, I want to know about that little tickling thought about that one thing in the back of everyone's mind—the image that pops into your mind unexpectedly, or shows up in dreams. I just want to open up conversations about all the things you're not supposed to have conversations about, so that we can all realize that we're all at least a little weird, but mostly, we're all exactly alike—in the most liberating way. 

Debby: Thanks for being a loyal reader! Ask us anything! As for interests, right now my research at IU focuses on a few primary areas. One is love and intimacy in relationships (e.g., is it easier for people to have orgasms if they love the person, feel loved in return, or find sex to be emotionally intimate? How does that vary by gender and sexual orientation)? Another huge area of my research lately is exercise-induced orgasm and arousal - that is, the experience many women and men have of feeling aroused or having orgasms while doing sit-ups, climbing ropes, doing pull-ups, running, and so on. I find it fascinating. But seriously: ask anything. 

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