Favorite

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Ask the Sex Doc: hip condition positions, dick dysfunction, sex staycations, snowballs, and BUTTER

Posted By on Wed, Aug 6, 2014 at 3:45 AM

click to enlarge SexDoc-Cover_595x370.jpg

Stalled Stiffy

There is no easy way to say this. I suffer from erectile dysfunction. The last 3 relationships in just as many years I have been in have largely had problems because of this. In one case, complete dysfunction and on the other end, only sporadically. I have sought treatment and began using ED meds prescribed by my urologist and also therapy, but that is difficult for me to schedule due to work. My question is what resources are there for someone like me to work on this on my own ? —From Tumblr

Sarah: Man, I’m sorry this is something that’s been dogging you for this long. Especially when it comes to matters of sexual dysfunction, crap like this tends to have a very cumulative mental effect. It’s already some shitty shit to not be able to perform when you want, but then you start anticipating the disappointment, guilt, etc, and the anticipation makes it all worse. The pressure builds (but not in the good way) and you end up in a recursive cycle of bonerlessness, which can have some pretty deep emotional impact on a guy. We may not have dicks, but we get it. Before you get started on Dr. Debby’s real, actual advice, here’s mine: go outside and scream, at the top of your lungs, “MY CONFIDENCE AND MASCULINITY IS NOT DETERMINED BY MY ERECTIONS OR LACK THEREOF BECAUSE REAL LIFE IS NOT A BEER COMMERCIAL!” This is your wink-and-nudge permission to ditch all the self-judgement about this and work on the problem with a mentally and emotionally clean slate.

Dr. Debby: Although I think sex therapy is your best bet, so long as it’s with a sex therapist who is professionally trained and with whom you feel comfortable (see www.sstartnet.org and www.aasect.org for listings), it’s not always practical or affordable. Two books that have helped many men I know are The Sexual Male: Problems and Solutions (significant focus on erectile function) and The New Male Sexuality. There is certainly hope for addressing this on your own, particularly with the help of quality ED meds. Know that, even with meds, it’s not always a magical solution. You still need to find things that arouse you and give it time to work (pills don’t result in automatic erections but rather than in easier erections once you feel aroused).

Snowblind

What is snowballing?

Sarah: You’ve seen the video for Lil John’s “Turn Down for What?” right? That’s dance-snowballing, when a situation just becomes so engrossingly chaotic that you find yourself absolutely lost on the utter destruction your passion is causing. Regular snowballing means that you and your partner(s) become such a roiling fuckball of orgasmic potential that the energy released in a spherical pattern destroys all of the matter in the room. Plus, the resulting literal releases make it look like a snowball fight went down. Or, if you want the truth, see below:

Dr. Debby: Basically, snowballing is when a man ejaculates in his partner’s mouth and then she/he passes it back to him through kissing.

Couch Commanders

In an effort to break away from the bedroom, my guy and I have taken to having living room couch sex. It's kind of our boring way of being adventurous. Anyway, it's fun. But so far we've only tried me on top while he sits on the couch. Are there any other fun sex positions/ideas we should try if we're interested in being adventurous but not necessarily outside of the privacy/comfort of our homes?

Sarah: Are you asking about different ways to bone on the couch, or just different places to bone? The former I have space to answer here; the latter will be my greatest and final opus. If you want to get some ideas, just lounge creatively on the couch more often and note the general ease with which your partner could get in there. Sometimes it’s fun to use the arms and do kind of a Playboy Bunny perch kind of thing—but, y’know, on a dick—and take advantage of the half-up, half-down angle and support. Over the back, over the arms with his legs outside yours, over the arm wheelbarrow, reverse-cowgirl-feet-on-the-floor-seated, any opportunity for him to get a foot on the floor for extra thrust, standing and using it as support because na-na-na-na-na you can fuck anywhere, you sexual sojourner. Once you’ve conquered the couch, it’s time to take on the dining room table, kitchen counter and floor, and the living room mantle. You can do it. I believe in you.


Dr. Debby: That’s a great one! Another is to try sex on the dining room or kitchen chair, assuming you have one you can straddle (e.g., without arm rests). You can also stand while having sex or bend over an arm of the couch or an ottoman. If you’ve got a soft carpet or rug, and don’t mind risking a little rug burn, you can also lay down on the floor in your choice of positions. Sofa pillows can also be propped under your hips or back for a little comfortable repositioning.

Hips Don’t Pry

I have a health condition that affects my hips and means that I can't straddle. Do you have any suggestions for positions that might work?

Sarah: [People! If you’re going to send in anonymous questions, let us know what part of the fucking you will be responsible for!] Two words: mermaid sex. What do I mean by that? I mean that you should just pretend you’re a mermaid (or merman) and improvise thusly. Have your partner stand up while you lay on your back on your bed and put your feet, crossed, over one of his shoulders. Bend over with his legs outside yours. Basically, anything you can do with your knees together, which is more or less all the moves with some slight adjustments. Take advantage of standing sex, which has more thrust and bounce potential when you’re sharing gravity’s burden while upright. Also, pillows are your friend in bed, both in terms of elevating your hips for better access and angles when your knees are together, and for a little extra bounce per ounce, if you catch my drift.

Dr. Debby: There are tons of ways to adjust - check out The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability: For All of Us Who Live with Disabilities, Chronic Pain, and Illness. Also, please check in with your doctor or a physical therapist to make sure you understand any specific limitations that are relevant to your condition. For example, people who have had hip replacements are often limited in the angle they can bend their legs or in terms of crossing one knee over the other. Once you understand what you can and cannot do, you can better figure out how to choose sexual positions that are comfortable, safe, and pleasurable for your and your partner.

The Answer Is Always Butter

I've heard coconut oil is a great boner grease. I'm excited to try it, but is there any way to prevent Pavlovian wood whilst cooking dinner? Should I use this as an excuse to just start using exclusively butter as a sauteing fat?

Sarah: First of all, what kind of weak-ass cooking are you doing that you’re not already getting half-chubbed in front of the range and/or grill? Because it sure sounds like you’re already not using enough butter, so go ahead and start with that. Setting that aside, you bet that sunny-smelling saturated fat will grease up your hog with ease and saute your veggies to the perfect crunch. And unless this is a professional problem, I say, jerk as you will and cook as you like, and if you happen to pop the occasional pup tent (or dome tent—I don’t know you, pal) in front of the fire, so be it. After all, Marlon Brando has already paved the way for creative boner-centric uses for butter. It’s time to break new nut oil ground, and probably bust one while you’re at it.

Dr. Debby:
Coconut oil is being touted for everything these days, unfortunately with little to no science behind most of the claims I’ve heard. Using it for lubricant during masturbation is no biggie though - enjoy. I would be surprised if you become so aroused while cooking that it becomes a problem (who cooks much with coconut oil anyway?) but, if so, yes - butter sounds like a nice saute choice. Personally I tend to saute with butter and sauvignon blanc.



Favorite

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

More by Sarah Murrell

Feedback

Recent Comments


Latest in Ask the Sex Doc

© 2015 NUVO | Website powered by Foundation