Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Ask the Sex Doc: Erotica that doesn't suck, Fisting 101, when nipple rings go wrong

Posted By on Wed, Jul 9, 2014 at 11:18 AM

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Fifty Shades of Bae

Do you have any recommendations when it comes to erotic literature? Something more recent than Casanova, and something more progressive than Shades of Gray? Something I could make my husband read to me? (He falls asleep when I'm reading.)  —
Anonymously submitted via Tumblr

Sarah: My best advice? Grab a bunch of modern anthologies and get into as many different authors and styles until you find someone you like (which, now that I think about it, is also my advice for finding the most compatible sex partner). Now, with regard to the progressive part of that, you should go with a collection contributed to or edited by someone known for making progressive, sex-positive, modern literature. For my money, soon-to-be Purdue professor Roxane Gay (please go to roxanegay.com and read anything you can—there’s lots of pieces available on the web) knocks it out of the park on that front, having contributed to several fabulous anthologies of some of the best erotic writing available now. It would be easier for me to list things she hasn’t written, but as a huge fan, I’d say grab one of these erotica anthologies (Best American Erotica series by Susie Bright or the Best Sex Writing series) and let that serve as a kind of tasting menu of sex fiction, stick some 3M flags in there and bring it with you next time you go to your friendly neighborhood bookstore. While you’re there, grab every available copy of 50 Shades you can find, toss them into a barrel with just a splash of gasoline, light it up, and warm yourself by the flames of all those gag-inducing strings of words meeting their deserved end.

Debby: Oldie but goodies are My Secret Garden and Sex Toy Tales. For more contemporary erotica, check out books by Rachel Kramer Bussell - she edits tons of wonderful books on everything from hotel sex toy BDSM.



Well? 

How do you do fisting? —Anonymously submitted via Tumblr

Sarah: Pretty much the opposite of how most people think you do it, at least at first. Like a journey beginning with a single step, the journey to fisting begins with a few fingers. It’s a slow, gradual stretching process where you can’t just go around punching your way into people’s insides. If you’re planning on trying it, get so much lube and prepare for the whole thing to be not very sexy at first because, let’s get real here, we’re just a big ol sack of muscles that don’t like being forcibly stretched. However, people and couples I know who do it responsibly tell me it’s one of their favorite sex acts. Here’s a tip: watch a woman put on a bangle bracelet. The way she holds her hand? That’s how you should try to do it at first.

Debby: Carefully and with lots of lubricant and tons of communication and NOT with a big old fist in spite of the name. This is a way more advanced maneuver and it’s not for everyone, as vaginas and anuses tear easily and many people experience discomfort or pain when sizable objects are used for vaginal or anal penetration. If you want to learn more, definitely take the time to learn about it and talk with your partner ahead of time. A classic read on the topic is Hand in the Bush: The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting (though there are also good books and videos about anal fisting too).





Holey Nipples, Batman! 

I went to get my nipples pierced and the first one hurt so fucking bad that I couldn’t have them do the other one. I heard it was painful but it’s like almost unbearable. I can’t even wear a bra without taping a cotton ball over my nipple. At this point, should I tough it out and let it heal or should I take it out? I’m worried about long-term loss of sensation, scarring and all that. — Submitted via email

Sarah: Thank you, reader. We’ve gone a few weeks without a question that made me have to stand up at my desk and make a noise like ghost is escaping from my stomach. This is clearly not the look for you, and you should definitely get that thing out of there, but not by yourself! If I were you, I’d head straight back to the joint where you got it stuck and ask one of the professionals to take it out. While this is all new and terrifying to you, those folks with the needles have seen every kind of reaction to a piercing there is, and if you went to a reputable place, they’ll give you plenty of aftercare info and will likely be happy to remove it if it’s just not working for you. But if you try to take it out yourself, you might pull on it or jostle it or clean it improperly and make it way, way worse. This is a job for your piercer and your piercer only, and follow their exact instructions when it comes to cleaning the hole.

Debby: If you don’t like it, why keep it in? It doesn’t sound like you’re enjoying the aftermath. Nipple piercings are comfortable and/or erotic for some people but not everyone - in fact, not even most people. Your decision to tough it out and let it heal or say thanks but no thanks is really a personal one. Nipple piercings don’t tend to cause long term damage for most people, it’s more a personal decision about what you feel is right for you and your body. 

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