Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Ask the Sex Doc 17: Baby's first fist, a dildo dilemma and stone winnebagos

Posted By on Wed, Jun 4, 2014 at 2:48 AM

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Oh, are you new here? Here's the run-down: One IU Kinsey Institute Ph.D., one smartass, once a week. Got a burning question? That's how we keep this crazy train chugging along, so send 'em in! askthesexdoc@nuvo.net or use our magical anonymous Tumblr inbox. 


Bun In the Oven, Fist in the Kitchen


My significant other and I are having a baby and have been researching and practicing perineal stretching as a means of preventing an episiotomy. Could we also benefit from fisting? - Anonymous, from Tumblr

Sarah:
If not for brave souls like yourself, our species would have died out eons ago, so thank you. And while I also appreciate your nod to the circle of life theme here, let's not complete the mobius strip so literally. This may be my singular standing sexual boundary, but barring adult baby fetishes, I just don't think the acts of sex and birthing should mix. What if you want to try fisting together later on, but in your mind, that fist transforms into the crowning head of your beautiful bundle of joy? How will you maintain an erection, or, worse, what if you do maintain your erection?! You'd have to find a Batman-style eraser, eliminate traces of your identity on every server on the globe and move to an independent island nation. Now THAT, conservative Christian types, is a real slippery slope.

Debby: Probably not surprising but I know of no research suggesting that fisting does (or doesn't) prepare the vagina for birth or whether it's associated with a higher or lower risk of episiotomy. The best way to reduce the likelihood of episiotomy is to make it very clear to your ob and/or midwife that you do not want an episiotomy unless absolutely necessary. Keep in mind, too, that most women tear naturally during childbirth - as in, the vast majority of women. Some research suggests that natural tears heal better than episiotomy cuts but there's also a lot of factors with labor and delivery that will be out of your hands and some decisions that will be made on the fly. I wish you the best with your upcoming delivery and your new lives together as parents.

Photos to Scale Please

My man-friend and I have amazing sex. Like, sweaty, marathon, multi-orgasmic sex that Cosmo writers only dream about. Last week, he found my biggest dildo, and when I say big, I mean it's like, really, really big (I bought it from a certain white background, no-scale-photo online retailer) and is usually too painful to actually use. Sometimes he makes jokes about it, which I'm worried are kind of a cover for him feeling inadequate. How do I make him feel better about it? - Anonymous, from email

Sarah: Oh girl, how I want to reach through my laptop and grasp your hand in sisterhood. There are two things you and I know that everyone should glean from this question: never, ever buy any sex toy meant to go upinya without a scale photograph (I think a Coke can should be required alongside every digitally-retailed dong), and also, hide your monster dildos better. I might recommend a poster tube. Presently, I'm trying to figure out how to dispose of just such an object that is too large for my usage. You can't really try to pawn it off on friends like you would a purse ("Hey Danielle, your puss seems pretty cavernous; how about a huge, second hand dildo?" No.) and you can't really upcycle into another object, unless you're cool with looking houseguests in the eye and saying "That was a dildo that was too big for me so now I uselet as a bracelet display." As for your guy, just remind him that no dildo is ever as good as sex with a living human, and then once in a while, swap out the dildo for other objects he might ask you to hand him (hammer, table salt, toothbrush) until its absurdly large, looming presence becomes a weird in-joke between you and your guy. Then he'll know he's not threatened and a dildo, however large, is just that - a toy.

Debby: The next time he jokes about the size, why not say something like "Just checking in, but I want to make sure you feel okay about this toy" and be real about it. Let him know how fantastic your sex life is. And let him know too that the dildo he found is too big to use and one of those accidental purchases you made because you couldn't tell from the website just how huge and out of proportion the product was. Also, if you're not going to use it and it's too painful to use, why not throw it away? And if you do want to keep it, that's fine too, you might want want to share with him some info about when and how you use it so that you have a better chance of it feeling good than the more typically painful experience you've had with it.

Over the Shoulder Boulder Holder

My best friend is thinking about getting implants as part of a post-kids upgrade, but I've heard they get really hard after a while. Is that true and what causes it if so?

Sarah: Part of being female is giving and getting a shitload of hugs in your lifetime, which means you get a shitload of boobs pressed against your own. Anecdotally, I've had some really hard boobs pressed against me, so I am familiar with the phenomenon you're describing. Generally, it's described as "capsular contracture" and it means the tissue around the impact gets hard and scarred over, but it's just one complication that can occur (there are a lot of em), and pretty low on the Oh Shit Scale of surgical complications. In other words, while implants are pretty common and seemingly ubiquitous, it's still major surgery with a lot of potential complications, not something that should be considered with the same laissez faire attitude as a haircut or Botox. 

Debby: There are different kinds of implants available and not all change texture (in fact, some start out harder and then, with time and massage, they feel softer). If she has questions about breast augmentation, she should interview a very experienced plastic surgeon or two and ask about the variety of options available to her considering the shape, size, and texture of the breasts she's interested in.





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