Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Ask the Sex Doc 14: Terrible, horrible, no good, very bad things.

Posted By on Wed, May 14, 2014 at 10:47 PM

Peaking Interest

On average, when are men and women at their sexual peaks? - Anonymous, from Tumblr

Sarah: I can only speak for myself, but I noticed, like a lot of my girlfriends, that my sex drive waxed and waned depending on the sexual experiences and partners I was having. Having a high sex drive at 19 is kind of meaningless if you're still racking up experiences to give your sex life some context. I can say I want equally as much sex now as I did in my early collegiate years, but now I have context of a sexual and romantic history to decide what kind of sex and sexual partner I want (not to mention the social skills to acquire them). It's the same way I feel about cooking: I like to cook and I love to eat, but it took me years of experience and mistakes to walk into the kitchen and walk out with exactly what I'm in the mood for on my plate. Now that I have a more advanced, uh, palate, the confidence from knowing and being able to vocalize what you want in the sack turns you into the sexual version of one of those badasses who orders off the menu.
Man, I am hungry.

Debby: I never know what people mean by a "sexual peak" because there are so many ways to consider that. For example, men tend to find it easier to become erect in their late teens and early 20s but more difficult to control how long they last before they ejaculate, and they also tend to focus so much on performance that they miss out on more satisfying ways of connecting and being intimate (on average, intimacy during sex seems to become particularly valuable to men in their 30s and beyond). Women tend to focus more on connecting and intimacy throughout but, like men, probably only really begin to "get it" with a little age and experience. Women may lubricate more easily in their teens and early 20s but often find that it takes years to have more reliable orgasms, particularly with a partner. Sex is pretty complex and there seems to be something lovely and easy about it at every age, and something a little tricky... just to keep things interesting, I suppose.


My guy and I were doing the nasty last week (I was on top of him, but facing his feet), when all of a sudden pleasure turned to pain. In the midst of the thrusting, I think what happened is his penis bent backward. He howled in pain and I got off of him. The poor thing then turned a shade of purple and was very sore for a few days. My guy is one of those "everything's fine" guys who hates the doc, and his penis is starting to feel better. But holy hell! What happened & how do I avoid this again? - Anonymous, from Tumblr

Sarah: Upon reading the question a few days ago, I screamed through every cell in my body until the scream culminated in an agonized moan that, as it escaped my lungs, folded my body in twain upon the ground. I have refused to deal with this until I absolutely had to, but the day of reckoning has come. Girlfriend, you broke his dick. You broke it. You broke his penis. YOU BROKE HIS PENIS! This is the equivalent of him tearing your vagina during vigorous sex, except with the added agony of an injury to a part of him that, as a dude, is symbolic of his masculinity. Start the litany of apologies now and you might be halfway done by the time you get triaged in the ER. The good doctor can tell you how you did it and how to avoid it, but here are my suggestions for making it up to him: a cruise to Egypt (possibly alone as a penis vision quest), an on-call masseuse for the duration of his healing time, thank you note duty for a decade, and/or daily blowies once he's healed for equal the duration of his recovery time (which he's allowed to lie about). You done to' him up from the flo' up, in terms of male "genital identity," so give him a nice chunk of time to heal physically and emotionally - especially given your description of his aloofness regarding his physical well-being. My limited (because of the cellular screaming) research yielded a wide spectrum of possible consequences of a bent dick, so you have to make sure he's cleared by a doctor. It also made me aware of a place on the internet simply called The Bent Penis Website (the-bent-penis-website.com), so it wasn't a total loss.

Debby: Your partner absolutely should see a doctor - and if he has any bruising or swelling still, I would suggest he get in to see a doctor ASAP even if that means going to the emergency room. Although penis breaks are rare, many occur each year and often they are emergency situations. They tend to happen when a man's penis is going in and out of his partner's body, and then misses and hits his partner's body. Partner on top is a common position for penile mishaps as is standing sex. One study found that penile breaks were more common in affairs, and in sex in unconventional places (e.g., offices, elevators) so be careful out there. Because penis breaks are serious, and we wouldn't want your partner to heal poorly and possibly develop scar tissue which could lead to painful or shorter erections, he really should get to a urologist as soon as possible.

Looking for the rest of the column? So were we! We need you to send us your questions so we can keep this party going! (We are having a really great time and we'd love to see you again.) Please, send us your queries at askthesexdoc@nuvo.net  or send them to our anonymous inbox here. 


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